12 Personal Learnings from my First Year as a Ph.D. Student in Nepal
Are you considering a Ph.D. and wondering what it looks like? Despite completing 21 years of formal education, it took me 12 months more to settle down and be comfortable with the amount of rigor that I need to employ for my Ph.D. Have I settled properly though?
I still need to figure that out. However, what I can definitely share is that it is a continuous learning process, and completing 12 months has become no less than an achievement for me. Here, I have reflected on the first 12 months of my Ph.D. and have shared 12 personal learnings in no particular order.
- It’s the journey of confusion, confusion, and some more confusion, and that is okay.
The confusion is not just with the proposal and the content that you want to move ahead and research about but it is also about time management. Since most of the Ph.D. candidates are not just full-time Ph.D. students (in the context of Kathmandu University) but they are also full-time jobholders who are generally in some leadership positions, the confusion is also about finding the balance between your work and your study. Which one to prioritize and how should I prioritize will always be something to navigate? Apart from that the multitude of resources that one needs to go through, the confusion lurks when you feel like the one that you are going through at the current moment is not enough, and once you switch on to the next text, the one you read stops making sense. Also, the plethora of perspectives one can find on the topic that you are exploring builds another layer to your confusion. However, whenever I have shared this with my supervisors and my faculties, they have been able to empathize with me for they too had gone through similar confusion and it is okay, they share. I remember my first video call with one of my supervisors Dr. Gale Robertson and sharing with her how it feels like I don’t know how to read a book. Calmly she shared it is good that I was at least reading a book and feeling confused. I am now slowly embracing this feeling of confusion.
2. Don’t hesitate to share your need for isolation and space.
Given how communal Nepali society is, there are chances that you will be surrounded by your family members at home, colleagues at your workplace, and your friends at the coffee station. They are there in your thick and thin and you don’t like to disappoint them sharing that you are thinking through one of the claims that you are making and need some space in isolation. Personally, I am someone, who likes working in solitude, therefore, sharing my needs and requesting some space has become helpful. However, to not make them feel like I am on a different planet, I keep on sharing my progress with my close ones even when I could write only two sentences.
3. Ph.D. is a mechanical process more than a creative one
“Ph.D. is a mechanical process more than a creative one,” is something my another supervisor Dr. Dhanapati Subedi keeps on sharing. Keeping our aims and objectives in mind and then planning for it and working continuously is very important. There’s a high chance of getting writer’s block and you might keep on feeling drained most of the time. But if you start waiting for your creative outburst and skip the mechanical part, things will slowly start turning complex. 12 months and I can say you will mostly find sitting in the same position. So, it might be a better idea to invest in your chair and study table for how your shoulders, butt, and your hands will stop working out of pain after some months. I have come to realize this lately and only thinking about it now after facing the problem. So you might want to consider this.
4. Everyone is brilliant but there’s the imposter syndrome as well.
Working to meet your credit points is important. However, grades become less important in the journey of Ph.D., the more important is the knowledge that you are producing and sharing. As I sit on different papers and proposal presentations, I realize that how wide the same topic can be and how deep can each of us go in something we are passionate about. As we come together to provide feedback on each other’s papers, I feel every time that how brilliant each of us is.
Meanwhile, there are also times when your colleagues, your supervisors start sharing about the book that you haven’t read, the theories that you haven’t heard and then you find yourself thinking “I don’t know about this author. Oh! I should have read that book.” making your more nervous and frustrated. Here, I have found the informal conversations with other Ph.D. fellows really helpful as you can relate to them.
5. Guilt and anxiety may be your go-to feelings — Let it go
Even though you have your faculties and supervisors to guide you through, it is mostly like you are your own boss of whatever you are working on. You are the one who will be watching the deadline and you are also the one who will be needing some time other than your Ph.D. There are times when you get haunted with the feeling of guilt when you are watching a series that goes 15 minutes more than regular; that two hours of grocery shopping on the weekend, thinking that you could have used those time reading a page or a two. Meanwhile, there are times when you have given it your all but then you are not able to complete the tasks on the timeline that you had set for yourself making you feel anxious. Therefore, it is important that rather than running away from these feelings, we must acknowledge them and manage them well for our mental wellbeing.
6. Adapt and evolve
Despite having a research purpose, our research does not go according to our plan. Identifying my learning gap after each reading, adapting, and evolving has become helpful. Being open to improvisation really helps. The feedbacks, discussions, readings, and yeah, confusions keep on changing one or the other ideas of your research. It is better to adapt and evolve by unlearning rather than remaining fixated on your claim. I guess that’s the beauty of being an explorer. The most important thing to keep in mind is that the direction of our research can change at any time. So we need to be prepared for that.
7. Regular literature review
‘Survival Reading’ is important when you have to read hundreds of Pdfs and multiple books at the same time. For that, the technique of skimmed reading has come in handy. You read the abstract, introduction, conclusion, topic sentences and figure out if you should spend the time for an in-depth reading for that particular article. However, I mustn’t do that too much as it is the literature review, and being up to date fills up with new ideas and helps us progress. Organizing my folders has become helpful for that. Once I download something, I skim it once and then separate it in a folder where I place them if I should read them again or not. For the ones, which need an in-depth reading, I schedule a time and then set an environment for that.
8. Knowing which environment helps you focus is important to find your feet
Writer’s block is real. Moodswings is common. And not everyone can overcome these with one strategy. So understanding what works for you when you are feeling blue is important to meet that deadline. Also, not everyone’s working style is similar. Some might want to work in isolation while some like a more collaborative approach. For me, solitude at night with colorful lights and a cup of hot coffee spark my creativity by accentuating my focus. I had this thought of “why did I sign up for the Ph.D.?” multiple times, but going back to my happy space and finding my comfort zone really helped me bounce back into my working zone.
9. Build and maintain a good relationship with your supervisor
Having a supervisor means having support. But we must build an authentic relationship with them. I have found myself feeling highly motivated after every call or meet with them. So having that regular touch with them keeps you grounded as well as gives you extra motivation to move ahead. We don’t have to jump on building a relationship with them because, given our differences in our identities, interests, and working hours, it might go off hand. So we must take a natural course. We will slowly get there and find the right way to communicate with each other.
10. Mistakes are important but confidence is the key
The first year was all about giving shape to my research proposal, working continuously on it, and making it better. It is never going to be a perfect proposal and you are never going to get rid of mistakes in your proposal or even in your paper. But the key is to remain confident in our efforts and their results. Every time, you share your paper, it is sure that your mistakes shall be pointed out; you will not be able to answer some of the questions asked in your presentation; you will feel more confused. But at all times, you must have faith in yourself that you will get over them working on one mistake at a time.
11. Life is more than Ph.D.
When I am sharing all the above points, you might have gotten a feeling that my life just revolves around my Ph.D. and my work, therefore, I hadn’t found time to do anything other than that. However, that’s not the case. Separating your time for your hobbies by organizing your calendar is something that I have found helpful. They do not just make you feel connected to your family and your friends but it also rejuvenates you with new energy when you resume your Ph.D. tasks. Personally, I love binge-watching Netflix, painting, writing gratitude poems for others, playing Uno with my family members, and making a video call with my best friend. Just keeping in mind that life is more than Ph.D. has helped me keep my sanity even during my anxious times.
12. Reflecting is important
Reflecting on what you are learning and how you are evolving is very important. Most importantly becoming emotionally aware and reflecting on why you are feeling what you are feeling helps you find the right track, may it be by asking for help when you are confused or by just spending a little more time with your friends when you are feeling anxious. Realizing how far you have come and expressing gratitude has helped me become more joyful.
All in All, I feel like I have never learned so much in a year. I am pleased with what I have learned and endured. I am curious to hear about your first year of experience. Are they similar?
